cynicalxdreamer

Who gives a damn

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A Moment by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

A Moment

I can't do spoken word I have to hold this paper, to hold myself to these words Because if I let my thoughts just flow from my mouth They would have nothing to catch them beyond your ears And while I can speak and express You can't throw seeds and hope to plant an idea That's no way to grow a thought That can nourish the mind and soul I have to have this scripted Written before me to orate Otherwise it would all get flipped And I'd be upside down talking only to myself Like stage directions That the actor takes Where the marks can't be seen I can't stand up here and be in the moment Because that moment isn't now It wasn't snapped up and thrown down Clasped to paper, painted down in black and white Cut, bled, and dried in spilled passion dribbling from the tip That moment was preserved in dry leaves and wood pulp Laid down in written memories hidden behind a binder Only waiting to be opened up and discovered The words that I want to say Feel less silent once engrained on

My Book by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

My Book

Remember that time The time that I scored the winning goal People reaching out to just touch my hand To touch my soul To share that crystal moment of greatness To tell about again and again how it changed me Changed us Yeah, I don't remember it either. I don't have childhood memories Just stories These stories aren't mine They're from Schwartz and R.L. Stein I want to tell you about me Not Ponyboy or Maniac McGee Or the countless books that I lived in Breathed on Came to know better than friends I didn't read I escaped I ran from love so suffocating it made me sick Or told me I was most of the time I hid from love that di

One Death by cynicalxdreamer, literature

I'm a Poseur by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

I'm a Poseur

The great thing about poetry Is that you can talk about something you have never felt You can surmise, improvise, dramatize sensations That you have read about or recall from the movie on tv But are empty echoes of the true feeling Like a prosthetic limb trying to flail and act like a real arm It can reach out to make that connection But it can’t quite give a proper handshake Some of us romanticize the idea of what love may be like Reciting one-liners in a cool hook to express an idea A concept for an emotion that would drown us if we actually attempted to swim in it We speak and rail on about the heart As if we knew the truth, preacher

The Box by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

The Box

This box is all I know There's a corner I go to Soothing solitude awaits That I cannot bear There is a box The tiny space of it Suffocating in its emptiness Muffled screams of silence I live in a box Stuck inside its madness Trying to get out Feeling locked in The walls holding me inside Hiding all my thoughts Showing only my failures Reflecting back to me isolation This is the box That contains broken dreams That restrains my words Choking time into days This box holds nothing precious Only serves as a prison To my soul For crimes I do not know Time has not eroded this cage Wrapped tight and dark With the package label Reading FRAGILE

Non-existence by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

Non-existence

I cry over the songs and stories of others Yet I do not know why I cannot Shed a tear for my own life And perhaps that's the saddest thing I know The day I finally cut my wrists Will not be a cry for help But a test to the universe Of whether I mattered at all Whether I was needed or wanted Whether I was a friend to be missed Or a lover to sorrowfully long for Or simply a name worn off the stone by time I continuously feel my existence Is peripheral to the lives around me An accessory to the tales told Only to be lost in the bylines That emptiness of subsistence Echoes in the dark of the night Troubles my mind when I try to sleep Fearing

Humanity by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

Humanity

I hear white boy And I know what you’re really sayin’ Mutt Pasty skinned dog Melting pot of Europe With a spit of ignorance To forget the unique cultural identities That all came to churn in my blood You say Caucasian A scribbled in dot on a survey Majority Oppressive dominant race Pale devil of the past A few degrees from a Nazi Racism only just under the surface Ready to seize the world in my grasp Privileged white man Opportunity everywhere I go Entitled No glass ceilings Velvet ropes moved aside Old boys’ clubs Secret handshake and societies One step to Wall Street The reality of it all Struggling to survive White tr

The Green Field by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Nanosecond Life by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

Nanosecond Life

Evanescent Our lives are fleeting Like the first snowflake to fall to the ground Sculpted and unique in shape It melts away away just as quickly as it was here We live as if the world stands still Or revolves around our perspectives As if Copernicus got the whole theory wrong And the galaxy orbited us instead of the sun Time moves on with or without us Light travels in a nanosecond Yet we expect life to slow down So we can stop and look at where we are You close your eyes, you blink And you go from 13 with so much potential To 30 wondering what have you done There is no hesitation, equivocation, procrastination There is merel

You Are Already Dead by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

You Are Already Dead

Inconsequential Our lives are spinning pendulums in darkness We see ourselves as stars in a black universe Suns that small galaxies of our lives revolve around When we are inconsequential We are nothing Dust in the wind But not even that We're a breakdown of atoms Molecular structures giving way to nitrogen In the cosmic plan We aren't even a blip on the transcendantal radar You are not a special snowflake But flesh particles waiting to happen There is no grand all-reaching plan We are paltry, trivial, small potatoes But if you can accept that If you can still breathe with that realization You have so much more You have fre

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A Moment by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

A Moment

My Book by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

My Book

One Death by cynicalxdreamer, literature

I'm a Poseur by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

I'm a Poseur

The Box by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

The Box

Humanity by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

Humanity

The Green Field by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Nanosecond Life by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

Nanosecond Life

You Are Already Dead by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

You Are Already Dead

Y'know What by cynicalxdreamer, literature

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You Are Already Dead by cynicalxdreamer, literature

Literature

You Are Already Dead

cynicalxdreamer

About cynicalxdreamer

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Artist

United States
Deviant for 21 years
None. I suck. =P
He / Him

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My Bio

Current Residence: Seventh Level of Hell
Favourite genre of music: Angst, depressing, mostly alternative
Operating System: Windows XP
MP3 player of choice: Winamp
Wallpaper of choice: Just black
Skin of choice: None
Favourite cartoon character: Wolverine, Ranma Saotome, Joe Higashi, Shikamaru, Zaraki Kenpachi
Personal Quote: "You do not know until you know."

Favourite Visual Artist

Ephemeral aka Koti!

Favourite Movies

Braveheart, The Patriot, Romeo + Juliet

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

Evanescence, VNV Nation, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Depeche Mode, Frou Frou

Favourite Writers

Robert Frost, Piers Anthony, Shakespeare

Favourite Games

Werewolf: The Apocalypse

Favourite Gaming Platform

Playstation 2

Other Interests

Roleplaying, writing, reading

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cynicalxdreamer

Sep 5, 2003

First Entry...

0 min read

I don't really use online journals.  I have a bad habit of never writing anything.  Maybe I should exercise on that.  Its one of those nights for me. Depression is often a close companion and a bane for me.  I think the only time I really feel like writing...where I want to do nothing but it...is when I feel like I have a big hollow sensation within me. If I ain't bleeding on the inside...I don't feel like I'm coming across well.  Consider it psychological.  I just know that I have problems with my emotions. The main thing for my depression is loneliness.  I feel..unneeded.  And its the saddest sensation for me.  I can take heartache...lon

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Profile Comments 28

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cynicalxdreamer

Jun 30, 2010

Ya know...I wonder...when folks download poetry....are they printing it to put on an office cork board or something more nefarious?

ephemeral

Jul 15, 2006

stop saying you are 21, old man!

haha!

i am about to email you some commission questions since you are not ON INSTANT MESSENGER!
you don't have better things to do...i know it...
don't front.

InAbsentia

Nov 15, 2005

I seeeeeeee yoooouu...

ephemeral

Nov 29, 2004

yeah that's right, back on your friends list, bitch. hahahahhahahaha pwned!

ephemeral

Dec 24, 2003

merry christmas steveo

ephemeral

Dec 15, 2003

okay so wait...the snowball thing...you gave me a preemptive 'duck'. therefore i was warned. so how do you know if you hit me or not, cuz i may have a fast reaction time. hmmm, never thought of that did you! yeah that's right.
so...there is no knowledge of whether or not i was ACTUALLY hit by said snowball, therefore it can be disregarded, as we know not the outcome of the event.
see, it's like a bad polynomial equation!

shmack!

ephemeral

Dec 15, 2003

that is SO cheap